


It felt like a kiss

by orphan_account



Category: Warrior (2011)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of past prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 04:06:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14417325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: As far as Tommy is concerned, they're not brothers anyway.Brendan's justification isn't so simple.





	It felt like a kiss

 

 

 

 

It isn't cheating, because Tommy is his brother.

 

It isn't cheating, because it was already there to begin with - always in Brendan's bones, even when they were kids.

 

Most of all, it isn't cheating because he hasn't even made a move yet.

 

 

 

Brendan Conlon is a selfish man. When Tommy first accuses him of this - breezing into town like Big John, so big and that _gets_ Brendan but still so small that that gets him too - Brendan immediately dismisses it.

A choice for a life is only self preservation. One has to take care of themselves before they can take care of others. And how was he supposed to know _he'd never see them again_.

Still - it's Tommy at that moment, at fourteen, with big eyes and his pouty mouth and Brendan standing before him feeling like a pervert. Tommy has the same black eyes as their mother.

It's easier that Tommy is big now, for however injured, small, childlike, and stunted he acts. Brendan doesn't _exactly_ feel like a pervert.

 

 

 

They don't pursue charges.

Brendan gives a portion of the purse to Mani's widow, like Tommy wanted. He tries to set Tommy up, but he refuses. Brendan doesn't trust him to not to send everything he gives him away.

Tommy still maintains Mani is his brother, and that Brendan is not. Not quite. Almost - Brendan can see the desperate affection in Tommy, how since the fight he soaks up every errant strand of love Brendan gives him.

He wonders if there's another reason Tommy hesitates to call them brothers.

 

 

 

Tommy lives in the basement of their Pop's house.

It's unthinkable that Brendan has any solid motivations other than brotherly reconciliation when he shows up there at least every other night.

Tess is - she doesn't explicitly approve. But her eyes track the way they interact and she nods like she's giving him permission when he kisses her every night before he leaves.

That's about the time Brendan begins to believe that he is a selfish man.

He thinks about what he wants to do to Tommy, how already he's circling in, and that solidifies the conviction.

 

 

 

Tommy isn't such a mess. Him and Pop have reconciled and that would have made Brendan livid a month ago.

Tommy doesn't drink as much, but he's still quiet. Still curves into himself and sounds sullen when he talks. Very rarely he smiles.

There's a separate entrance and Brendan has a key. Tommy didn't give it to him, but he has it all the same.

"Hey Tommy." He greets with a friendly clap to his little brother's shoulder, already helping himself to a beer in the mini fridge Tommy keeps downstairs, away from Pop.

Tommy shrugs his hand off and keeps his eyes on the tv where he's watching sports.

Brendan feels the incongruence of his wholesome, clean cut image from what he actually is and what he actually wants. He wants to be that guys, but right now - for Tommy, he isn't.

He can't be the supportive, venerated big brother and the guy who wants to fuck Tommy's brains out.

He still has issues. With Tommy, even. He can't deny it felt so _good_ to beat Tommy to shit. To win. To prove himself. But - it feels bad too. More bad than good.

Because he loves Tommy.

He really loves him.

And just like that all his carefully made plans fall apart. He settles opposite Tommy and sullenly watches the game.

 

 

 

It isn't like Brendan hasn't wondered what happened to Tommy in the years they were apart. Before he joined the marines, during and even after.

Every time his thoughts settle on the question though they go dark.

He doesn't want Tommy to have hurt more than he already knows of.

 

 

 

"I didn't." Brendan tells Tess, late that night in bed. Their backs are to each other and he's not even sure if she's awake.

He's not sure if she knows what he's talking about.

"I-" Tess starts, and eventually ends, "I wouldn't have blamed you if you did. If you do."

Brendan wants to cry.

 

 

 

He's still at Tommy's nearly all the time.

They don't fight or do anything physical, it's somehow become a no go zone, mostly they just lounge around drinking beers and lemonade and watching tv.

Brendan let's his eyes trace over Tommy's face and Tommy catches him.

"See something you like?" Tommy cracks and Brendan's sure he's joking until his eyes dip to Brendan's crotch.

"We're brothers." Brendan says before he catches himself, before he curses himself for making the protest.

"We're not brothers." Tommy counters, so matter of factly, and Brendan feels his blood pressure rise in anger. He thought they were past this.

He means to respond but then Tommy says, "I give good head." and drops to his knees.

Brendan _wants_ , but something about the statement doesn't quite strike him right. Tommy's quick, already yanking Brendan's pants open.

"How?" Brendan chokes out, wants him to disclose.

Tommy doesn't answer, just looks up at him bleakly and says, "Enjoy."

Then he's on him, expertly, with his pouty lips and his stupid goddamn eyes and the way he looks at Brendan and Brendan hates himself.

He comes quick and Tommy swallows. Tommy, whose eyes are half lidded, expression sated when he sits back on his heels but Brendan knows he didn't even touch himself.

He smacks his lips lewdly, looks at Brendan like he's challenging him to say something.

"Don't worry Brendan, I locked the door." Tommy says, on his way up before he disappears into the bathroom.

As if Pop hearing wasn't the last thing on Brendan's mind.

 

 

 

It takes Brendan some time to gather his nerve to return. About a week. He has condoms and lube tucked into his back pocket.

He uses the separate entrance, actually knocks this time, and it opens to Tommy's guarded gaze.

"Come in." He says as he backs away from the door. "What d'you want Brendan?"

Brendan doesn't answer, instead he gets close, leans in and kisses his mouth.

"Oh." Tommy says, something small and shocked in his tone.

"I brought condoms." Brendan blurts ungracefully.

Tommy looks so much like a lost child for a moment that Brendan reaches out to hug him. He only gets as far as raising one arm before Tommy's pushing past him in the direction of the bedroom.

"I dunno, my ass is expensive."

The comment is designed to sting, Brendan thinks as he follows. Tommy's exposing his injury in the most lurid, casual way possible. As if it didn't matter. As if Brendan doesn't care. As if it's the only way he can.

"I'd like," Brendan says, "if we didn't have to use them."

Tommy's expression is hard, the same one he uses to hide his hurt. He thinks maybe, that Brendan is just using him. That Brendan doesn't consider them brothers anymore either.

"I'm clean." Tommy spits out, all bravado, before he slips his jeans from his hips and lays himself over the edge of the bed.

An enormity of action has just taken place that Brendan has trouble reconciling.

But then he approaches.

"This the way you want it Tommy?" He asks.

Tommy just nods his head, doesn't make a sound.

"I'd like to hear you." Brendan continues.

"Yeah," Tommy scoffs, like he's going along with a joke, arms bracketing his head, "That'd just be great, Pops busting in."

"I mean it." Brendan says, "I don't give a fuck about what Pops thinks."

It's actually true. It's maybe cruel to think but Brendan is almost glad their mother is dead, so she wouldn't have to look at them and see this between them. Pops could walk in the room right now and Brendan would have no regrets.

Tommy is laid out before him, vulnerable. Brendan doesn't want to abuse that.

He uses his fingers to open him up. Tommy presses back into them, practiced.

"Just do it already." Tommy hisses eventually, a little breathless.

So Brendan does. He presses the full length of himself inside without much resistance.

"You said we're not brothers." he says, nearly conversationally.

"Right." Tommy answers, but it's difficult for him to even speak - Brendan can hear it in his voice.

"But we are." Brendan continues, pulls back in one sweeping motion before punching his hips forward.

Tommy whines as Brendan works him over gently.

"I wanna hear you say it. I wanna hear you scream it actually."

Tommy moans softly at that.

"C-come on Br-Brendan you gotta - you gotta move more."

Tommy is shifting his hips back but Brendan persists in his slow, careful pace.

"Just enjoy, Tommy." He says, as he works him loose slowly.

Brendan finds he really wants to see him.

"I wanna kiss you Tommy." He says and that gets a louder moan, still Tommy doesn't turn back - only presses his face deeper into the comforter.

It's then that he finds that spot inside that makes Tommy buck. There's a sharp gasp and when Brendan pushes in again there's a little cry. Tommy cuts himself off almost immediately.

"Tell me who I am Tommy." Brendan says, a little breathless himself now. He strokes his fingertips up Tommy's sides.

"U-ugh, I don't - Brendan" Tommy says gaspingly.

"Come on, you can do it Tommy." Brendan means for it to sound firm, but it doesn't come out that way. It's desperate, pleading, sad.

"Fuck." Tommy curses quietly, "you're my - you're my b-big brother. Please just fuck me."

So Brendan does.

 

 

 

Afterwards Brendan says, "This can be whatever you want. I'll love you however you want."

Tommy pulls up his pants and he's crying. He turns his face to hide the tears. He's tensionless, open to Brendan in a way he hasn't been since before him and Mom took off.

"what do you want?" he says, voice thick.

"You." Brendan says.

It turns out, it's what Tommy needs to hear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
